Stories of Faith from the Jungle

Stories of Faith from the Jungle

I just returned from the Amazon jungle where I taught at Justice & Mercy International’s Annual Jungle Pastors Conference. Ninety-four indigenous men and women gathered for a week of Bible teaching and renewal. Many traveled by boat and bus for several days to attend. This is my thirteenth year being a part of these conferences and I never return the same. I’ve been home for less than 48 hours, and while watching black howler monkeys swing from rainforest treetops while keeping an eye out for caiman seems a world away from my daily reality, the faith of these jungle pastors couldn’t be more relevant to my here and now. I have a feeling the same is true for you. If you could use a faith booster, read on.    

I sat with my dear friends Cosme and Auria who serve in a village that floods annually. When I asked them why they chose to live in a community that floods every year, Cosme simply said, “Because there are lives there.” In other words, they go where people need to hear about Jesus’s love, not where it’s easy. How often do I factor in ease ahead of what people need when making a ministry decision? In addition to the geographically challenging location of their village, Cosme suffered a stroke a few months ago and has an enlarged heart. When I asked how he continues to serve with such joy, he explained that trials bring us closer to the Lord. It was a simple concept to him really—when we face crises, we get to know Jesus more. We also find out what He’s capable of accomplishing on our behalf. Cosme and Auria’s joy and hope were infectious. You and I can have the fullness of joy in Christ that transcends the trials we’re walking through.

I visited with another pastor, Rildo (pronounced “Hildo”). He has a 29-year-old son who is non-verbal. As a result of his and his wife’s experience raising a child with special needs, he now has a ministry to countless special needs children in the Amazon. It’s staggering what he’s been able to accomplish with no income and a whole lot of God’s power. I wonder what God has taken you through personally and how He wants you to help and bless others as a result of what He’s done in your life? 

In addition to Rildo’s ministry to children, he also started a church in an indigenous tribe. For three years, Rildo prayed for an opening in this tribe. (I have given up on certain prayers in three days!) Eventually, this tribe invited him in because they saw the love he and his family had to offer. The chief and leaders of the tribe signed documents for Rildo to minister inside the tribal community—a rare occurrence in the Amazon. What might God accomplish in our lives, and in the lives of those we love, if we prayed persistently and confidently with a passion to see God’s will done on this earth? Whatever it is you’re praying for, Pastor Rildo reminds us—don’t give up! The Lord delights to answer us. Sometimes prayer is a process. 

I was further impacted by a couple whose names I will refrain from using to protect their identities. They minister in a village where incest and childhood sexual abuse are part of the culture. This couple is seeking to change the culture by bringing Jesus to this village. Already, their modest church building is at capacity. Each week they’re teaching over 40 children about Jesus and the Bible. They’re also teaching them about the sanctity of their bodies and how to protect themselves and ask for help if someone tries to take advantage of them. While abuse is illegal in this part of the Amazon, law enforcement does little to uphold the law, and abuse is rampant in families. This couple has received death threats because of the work they’re doing to protect children. Through tears, this pastor said, “I would rather be killed than let another little girl be abused.” After talking with them, I wondered what sacrifices I was making to bring Jesus to those around me.

It’s tempting to think that these stories are confined to the jungle, but I don’t think that’s true. Powerful stories of redemption aren’t confined to a place, rather they’re attached to a faith. When we take Jesus at His Word, when we deny ourselves and obey Him, we see Him do exciting things in our lives, but we also get to know Him more deeply. Pastor Cosme said that when he faced trials as a new believer, he would tell the Lord, “I don’t know you that much, but you know me that much.” In other words, he may not have known Jesus all that well at the time, but Jesus knew him inside and out. This encouraged Cosme to rest in the Lord’s will for His life and trust Him in the middle of trials. 

I don’t know how well you know the Lord, but He knows everything about you. Trust Him. Follow Him. Pray to Him. And watch Him do great and mighty things. 

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Casting Our Nets in 2024

Casting Our Nets in 2024

Happy New Year! I hope your year is off to a good start. Mine has been minorly shaky—I started the year with a bang-up sinus infection (my favorite involuntary sickness) and I had to throw away every single strand of Christmas lights due to a portion of each strand not lighting up. This is
discouraging since, after all, the only job a strand of lights has is to light up. I have decided the Christmas decorating companies are out to get us, programming each string of lights to last about half a season. They, of course, give us false hope with the spare bulbs per box which do not work
one-hundred percent of the time.

Have I wished you a Happy New Year yet?

One of the highlights for me in this early part of 2024 was seeing the familiar passage of Luke 5:1-11 with fresh eyes. I spoke briefly about it in an Instagram reel where I asked the question, are you willing for Jesus to reprioritize your 2024 plans? The video seemed to sparked some thought, so I thought I’d go deeper into it here. Before we get there, though, let me ask you: are your 2024 plans set in stone? Are your goals for the year fixed? Or are you available for Jesus to shuffle around your priorities?

Take a minute to read the following short account from Luke 5:1-11.

1 One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, the people were crowding around him and listening to the word of God.  2 He saw at the water’s edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. 3 He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat. 4  When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.” 5  Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” 6  When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.  7  So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink. 8  When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!”  9  For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken,  10  and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.”  11  So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

Like me, you may be quite familiar with this story having read it many times before. But something hit me that I’d never thought of prior. Peter and his friends were fishermen, meaning this was their business. They hadn’t stayed up all night fishing because they needed some time
away from their wives and kids to shoot the breeze on a breezy night out. They had been up all night because their livelihood depended on it. Fishing was their job.

When Jesus tells Peter to let down his nets in a certain spot in the middle of the day, Peter is hesitant because what does a rabbinical teacher know about fishing. Peter, on the other hand, knows that on the Sea of Galilee fish feed at night, and he has already tried to catch them and failed. But Peter responds and does what Jesus tells Him. When he and his friends set out into the deep and let down their nets, their nets began tearing at the astounding haul of fish. Here’s the part I’d never thought of before, the part that scholar Kenneth Bailey in his book Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes so astutely brought out. You would think Peter would want to harness Jesus’s spectacular ability to know where the fish are. Think of the boom to his business! The windfall of sales at the fish market if Peter always knew where to catch them! Perhaps Peter wondered why Jesus wasn’t in business for Himself given His keen ability to harvest fortune out of a lake.

But Jesus’s priorities are different from Peter’s. “Peter faces a man who wins the ‘fishing lottery’ but doesn’t want it.” (1) ( And here is where this story affects you and me, where it affects our vision for 2024.

In the moment on the water Peter recognizes that Jesus is no mere teacher. It’s probably too early for Peter to understand Him to be the Son of God, or the Messiah, but Peter gets that Jesus is holy and he is not. Instead of chastising Peter for his lack of faith—or trying to talk Peter into a business partnership where Jesus spots the fish and Peter brings them in and they become Galilee Gazilionaires—Jesus changes Peter’s value system. Instead of prioritizing fish that are brought in to die, Peter will from here on out look for people to bring to life in Christ.

Yes, Jesus could aid Peter in the biggest, most profitable year of his career, but that wasn’t why Jesus came. And it wasn’t Peter’s highest calling. Nor is it ours.

Peter encountered Jesus in a space of earthy stuff like water, wood, nets, knives, and swimming things to show Peter the high value of eternal things. Things like souls. As we sit atop a new year, are you willing, if needed, for Jesus to bring some of your top priorities lower and your lower priorities to a place of prominence?

My prayer for you and me is that Jesus will meet us in our everyday spaces—like He did Peter—to show us what truly matters. That we might be reminded anew that He is not just teacher, but Lord. And that we are not just workers but disciples who serve at the pleasure of our Savior. What a year this stands to be if we will allow His priorities to become ours.

Happy New Year!

[1] Jesus Through Middle Eastern Eyes: Cultural Studies In The Gospels, page 146

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Letting Go of Holiday Ideals for the Savior

Letting Go of Holiday Ideals for the Savior

The holiday season is upon us and so are all the impossible expectations. (Is this too Grinch-ish for the beginning of a devotional?) During this season our joys and sorrows are magnified. Not to mention, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s each bring with them a frenzy of activity, an assortment of relatives, and often complicated situations. This is not to dismiss the season’s sentimental qualities or potential for cherished memories to be made. But for most of us, the holidays are a mixed bag and it’s important to decide at the top how we’re going to approach them. We have a choice to either succumb to cultural expectations or determine to put our expectation and hope in Christ, no matter our circumstances.

This time of year, I like to revisit Elizabeth’s story in Luke 1. Elizabeth was too old to bear children and was barren on top of her age. Imagine her immeasurable joy when after years of what she would refer to as her “disgrace among the people,” the angel Gabriel announced that Elizabeth would soon become pregnant with a son. And while any son would have been a blessing, John the Baptist would be the forerunner of the Messiah. Elizabeth and her husband Zechariah would bring into the world one of the most important figures in Christendom.

At the peak of Elizabeth’s glory, a much younger and arguably less deserving woman stepped through the front door bearing a child greater than Elizabeth’s. Her name was Mary and was already pregnant with Jesus, the Christ. If Elizabeth had been given to comparisons and holiday ideals, her expectations would have been dashed before the first Christmas had even come. But Elizabeth wasn’t caught up in comparisons or jealousy.

Her focus was on Jesus and His presence with her: "How could this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?" (Luke 1:43.), she exclaimed! Her words reveal a secret we desperately need this time of year: Elizabeth’s hope was not in an ideal but in a person, the person of Jesus.

Where are your hopes this holiday season? Are they in achieving the perfect Thanksgiving table or Christmas gathering? Are they in who will be at your house or at whose house you will be? Are your hopes rising and falling on your finances or health or job to pull off a “good Christmas?” These are all important questions and they matter deeply to the heart of Christ. You matter to Him, and He knows how much we all long to be with loved ones and have a joyful season of celebration. But, ultimately, our hope must be in Jesus.

He must be the longing of our hearts. I read this morning in Ephesians Paul’s prayer for us to know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge so we can be filled with all the fullness of God. Both Mary and Elizabeth experienced the fulness of Christ’s love despite their circumstances. I am deciding today that Jesus will be my hope and focus this season. As a result, I am always a much more delightful person to be around—when I’m giving out of what He has given to me.

This season, let’s not mistake the holiday ideal for our Savior, Jesus Christ.

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What It Means To Be Blessed (Excerpt from “The Blessed Life”)

What It Means To Be Blessed (Excerpt from “The Blessed Life”)

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs.”  Matthew 5:3 

Sometimes when I’m really out of sorts, my friends will remind  me of how truly blessed I am, how much I have to be thankful for. But  this always feels like an evasion to me, like they’re not giving my “pain  and suffering” its due. They’re looking for what is going well in my life,  doing the math, and then deciding I’ve got more going for me in the  blessed column than in the poor in spirit one, so blessed it is.  

I don’t know how the word blessed hit Jesus’s disciples on the hillside  that day or how it landed on the crowds, but I can’t imagine it was the  first word the sick, lame, shunned, or hungry expected to hear Him speak  to them that day. And Jesus wasn’t using the word to convince them that  the good things in their life outweighed the bad, that they were more  blessed than not. He was declaring those in His kingdom as wholesale  flourishing.  

Blessed. 

Think of that word hanging out there over a Jewish people hobbling  under Roman oppression. The ones who for centuries had been pining  for a powerful Messiah in the image of King David to knock their enemies  out of the land. Surely some had followed Jesus out of curiosity but  most out of pure desperation. Some were longing for a new leader who  could help them figure out how to get back on the God of Israel’s good  side, someone with a solid campaign slogan. Some may have showed up hoping to hear a strategic and gutsy military plan: Who’s ready to  defeat Rome once and for all? Strap on your swords! Others may have been  looking for something more personal and close to home, like a much  needed healing or handout. 

Blessed. 

The word itself is not an unusual opener. It’s only shocking when  you think about whom He addressed it to: the poor in spirit, mourners,  stomped on, hungry, innocent, persecuted. Well, now, this just feels like  madness. How can the poor in spirit be the blessed ones? In what kind of  a world, in what kind of a kingdom, in what kind of a religion, has this  ever been so? 

Before we consider an answer, it is worth asking, Why are you here?  Why have you come to listen to the words of Jesus? 

Are you looking for Him to overpower someone who has wounded  you? Is a family member sick and in need of healing? Are finances tight?  Is work unfulfilling? Is your marriage suffering? Are you simply tired of  the grind, like the average Jewish peasant in first-century Galilee looking  for a sustaining word of encouragement, a change in the political land 

scape? Perhaps you’re not looking for anything from Him as much as you  simply want to be with Him and listen to what He has to say.  Note that the “them” Jesus begins to teach in verse 2 appear to  be His disciples. But at the end of His message, it was the crowds who  were astonished at His teaching (Matt. 7:28). We should establish at the  outset that both disciples and undecideds are invited to listen. Whichever  you are, I’m glad you’re here. 

But back to our question. How can people like the poor in spirit be  blessed? In the original language, the word for “blessed” is makarios,  and it means “prospering, fortunate, flourishing,” and in some cases,  “downright happy.” (This is different from the word used when someone  pronounces a blessing on another, translated eulogeo). Makarios is a  description of the state of a person who is thriving in the kingdom of  God. So Jesus isn’t saying that the poor in spirit will eventually gain a  blessing. He is saying that their current state of being is a prosperous  one because God’s kingdom is theirs. In fact, in every case of the nine  Beatitudes, a difficult state of being is paired with a promise of blessing. 

So if you’re struggling or hurting today, may Jesus redefine your  circumstances as only He can. If you find yourself poor in spirit, malnourished by the “blessings” of our culture, you’re in prime position to  experience the blessed life of the kingdom. 

Ask Him to teach you and show you what it means to flourish in  whatever your circumstances. Look for Him to answer you as you go  about Your day. He is eager to meet you in it.

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Lily Pads in Loneliness

Lily Pads in Loneliness

I remember loneliness well. It settled in like a long fog. Everywhere I moved, it was there. I had lost my tightly knit community for varying reasons—in the end, it was for one reason in particular: my friends and I were moving in opposite directions. The eventual separation didn’t happen overnight, it dissolved slowly like a patch of snow on a sunny day hanging on in the shade. There were good reasons for what turned out to be a lengthy loneliness, and my intimate knowledge of Christ deepened significantly, but that didn’t make the isolation any less awful. It was one of the saddest and hardest times of my life.

Looking back, I can see a spotty trail of lily pads that stretched between the riverbank of loneliness on one side and that of new and dear friendships on the other. Those lily pads were people or groups of people. Most of them unassuming Christ-followers who loved me in ordinary yet potent ways. A Saturday morning Bible study at a downtown Nashville coffee shop, a family I had dinners with while commuting to a church in Florida to lead worship, an occasional coffee with someone who knew how to listen well, and many others. Each was a temporary landing pad that helped me make my way from one side to the other. It’s just that at the time I wasn’t sure there was another side. All I knew was that after each interaction I had enough hope in the tank to keep going.

These memories spring from nearly two decades ago. Life has changed considerably for me. But I share them because the more I keep my eyes keen and ears attuned to my surroundings, the more I am aware of how many are living isolated and lonely lives—even the ones who appear social, those out on the block small-talking with the neighbors while the big questions and crises of their lives remain hidden. This is not to mention those who don’t come out at all. Or the elderly in assisted living with few or none to visit them, or the agile and mobile equally isolated because they’re glued to their phones, addicted to interaction without actual relationship. No matter the
reasons, we are a lonely society.

I will never get over how John, one of Jesus’s closest disciples, began his first letter.

“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ.” (1 John 1:1-3)

One of John’s primary reasons for writing was to reveal the dynamic fellowship we can have with Jesus and how that relationship leads to a whole community of relationships. One of the fundamental aspects of the Christian faith is that we are not to be alone! I hope you hear John’s passion for you. If you are lonely, you are invited into a fellowship with Christ that is dynamic and personal and you are invited into the fellowship of believers. John was getting at the dual nature of Christian fellowship—get to know Jesus and get to know us; get to know us and get to know Jesus! (Not that Christ and His disciples are one in the same, rather our fellowship with the Lord feeds our fellowship with others and vice-versa.)

However, two challenges immediately stand out. How many struggle to think about God on a personal level because their own father was cruel. It is not always easy to experience Christ in an intimate way, to have this fellowship with Him. Obstinate and formidable barriers exist. This is where the fellowship of the church comes in. By reflecting the sacrificial love and visceral compassion of Christ, like John and the rest of the disciples did, we demonstrate God’s goodness to those who have difficulty receiving it.

But this necessarily leads us to the second challenge: the church community—the fellowship of believers John speaks of—doesn’t always act the way we are supposed to. As many struggle to experience a loving God, just as many lament that for them the church community is equally freighted with baggage: betrayal, hypocrisy, gossip, abuse, power-struggles… These are real obstacles we cannot deny.

At the same time, their very existence should further compel us to be safe and broad lily pads for those who cross our paths. Temporary landing spots for some, and longer places of respite for others. We cannot fix a person’s view of God but we can reflect Him in loving clarity because we ourselves are being changed and renewed in His presence. In John’s terms, because we have fellowship with Him. We, equally, cannot solve the problems of the church at large, but we can be a difference maker in our own local churches. If the friends and acquaintances I met during my stretch of loneliness had abandoned the church for all its issues, who knows what waters I would have plunged into. I thank God for them.

If you have a hard time appropriating Christ’s love for you because of past wounds, or if the idea of being part of a church brings up equal distress, may a genuine Christ-follower be in reach. And if you have you experienced the Word of Life, do not keep Him to yourself. The lonely are all around you. Spread your lily pad wide. Who knows who might land in your way?

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Some Brief Thoughts On Singleness

Some Brief Thoughts On Singleness

One of the prayers I have been praying this summer is that the Lord would show me the specific needs of those in our culture. I think I know them but I don’t want to assume. I don’t want to bring only what suits me. I want to offer what the Lord has told me to. Since regularly praying this prayer, I’ve been more attuned to the longings and griefs around me. One of those aches is that of singleness. Emails and DM’s have consistently popped up from women who desperately want to be married, or from mothers burdened for their single daughters.

One of the questions I often get is if I have written a book on singleness or spoken on the topic. The answer is no, but I’m always quick to say that everything I have ever written or taught has passed through the sieve of singleness. Every lonely stretch, the ache for human touch, the decision to live a celibate life outside of marriage, the loss of not being a mother, the desire to be protected and cared for, to feel like a “normal” married person with children at places like church—it all comes out in my writing and speaking, just rarely directly. The unique blessings of singleness also trickle through that sieve.

As with any topic like this one, everyone’s desires and experiences are unique. One person’s singleness will look different than another’s, and each person finds themselves on a different bend in the road. So here are some thoughts on singleness that are not in any way exhaustive, though I pray they are true and encouraging.

Be Honest About Your Pain

First, if you desire to be married be honest about your pain. The longing for companionship, sexual intimacy, a life-long committed relationship, and a family are God-given desires (Gen 1:26-28). Throughout Scripture we see women aching to be loved by their husbands (Gen 29:31), to have children (1 Sam 1:11), to be seen (Gen 16:13). One of the great ironies of the Christian life is when God withholds what He has decreed. And yet we also see throughout Scripture these very ironies playing out over and over again, showing His sufficiency in the lives of those walking through painful paradoxes. (I’ve written Bible studies on the lives of Joseph and Ruth, and many others such as Hannah, Rachel, and Leah compiled in No Other Gods. All of these walked through divine disappointment.)

Sometimes well-meaning people will offer spiritually dressed up platitudes to the single women in their lives because they don’t know what to do with their friends’ singleness. They feel badly that they themselves are married and their friends who want to be are not. They want to fix it and since they can’t they say things like, “Isn’t it great that Jesus can be your husband,” “think of all the things you get to do that married people can’t,” or “look at all your children in the Lord.” There may be some truth to these ideas but when certain blessings are presented as worthy substitutes for being married and/or having children, both the blessings of singleness and marriage are cheapened.

The reality is that the wonderful gifts I have as a single woman are not substitutes for sharing my life with a husband I love or for raising children. They are altogether different blessings for which I am deeply grateful but they are not the same as being married or being a mom. It is not only okay to lament these voids in my life, the Lord delights when I bring Him my pain (Ps 62:8, 1 Sam 1:15). No question, my deepest moments of intimacy with Christ have come when I’ve poured out my soul to Him in loneliness and found Him to be not only present but involved. He has taken me by the hand and led me with cords of kindness (Hos 11:4). So, too, God has not forsaken you in your singleness. He delights when you bring Him your longings in all your confusion, frustration, and sadness.

Take Up Your Cross

Second, I encourage you to take up your cross. This may seem like an uncharitable thing to write to someone struggling in her singleness, but the best way to be single is God’s way. I don’t say this from the cheap seats. Celibacy is not easy but it is a blessed existence because it is an obedient one. And obedience is the fertile soil from which peace flourishes. Some of the most beautiful, accomplished, funny, and Christ loving women I know have not yet found the love of their lives, or if they have, such love has been unrequited because the man is afraid of commitment or can’t get his act together for whatever reason. One of these friends recently told me, “I wish you had met me when I was happy.” She was talking about life before singleness had started to settle in like it was here to stay. I didn’t want to dismiss her pain or try to fix her situation, as many have tried to do for me over the years. At the same time, I wanted her to know that finding happiness is not a fool’s errand for the single woman. There is not only joy to be found in the Lord, there is downright happiness to be had for her (more in the last section about the blessings of singleness).

If you will allow me to temporarily contradict myself, I also told my friend that one of the reasons her singleness is hard is because she’s doing it right. She is not picking up men in bars to numb her pain, she is picking up her cross. She is not drinking her sadness away, she is drinking the cup of Christ. She is following the difficult path of obedience to Him. And she is hoping—sometimes against all hope—that the Lord will sustain her one way or another, whether that’s bringing her a husband and children, or surrounding her with love and friendship in the body of Christ and offering Himself to her in a way that is unique to her circumstances and season of life.

Part of being single means dying to oneself and there’s no way around it. More accurately, being a Christ-follower, period, means dying to oneself—no one gets a pass here whether married, same-sex attracted, divorced, widowed, or single from the beginning. Yet one of Jesus’s most astounding promises is that whoever loses their life will find it (Matt 16:25). I have found this to be true beyond anything I could have dreamt but it hasn’t always been an easy road—there’s the losing your life part that precedes finding it in Christ.

Was it too much to ask to have the love that felt like it came so easily for pretty much the rest of the world? Certain years were agonizing to the point of depression, anxiety, and severe exhaustion. Might I have experienced all these married? Perhaps. But what I have gained through my life as a single woman walking with Jesus is Jesus. If for whatever reasons I wouldn’t have gained Him as a married woman the way I have gained Him as a single one, I would choose over and over again singleness. In the words of Sam Allberry, “If marriage shows us the shape of the Gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency.”

Remember That Everyone Has It Hard

Third, remember that everyone has it hard in some way. If my twenties was the decade of being in more weddings than I can count, and in as many interesting dresses (the perils of a nineties bridesmaid dress), my thirties was the decade of divorces. I think it’s safe to say that my divorced friends have experienced more gut-wrenching loss and betrayal than anyone else I know. This is to say nothing of the pain that comes from having to split time with the children they share with an ex-husband, sometimes a toxic one. Everyone has it hard in some way.

What about married friends who love the Lord and each other? How hard can that be? I recently discussed singlehood’s loneliness with a dear friend whose marriage I respect. In her North Carolina drawl, and with a loving finger pointed my way, she said “Now let me tell you something.” I could feel her ramping up. “I get lonely with my husband sitting six feet away,” she exclaimed, gesturing toward the leather recliner. She wasn’t patronizing me. She was describing a loneliness that even a loving husband can’t reach.

I have many other close friends in healthy marriages whose children are sick or struggling or estranged. I have friends in healthy marriages whose spouses have gone through cancer. I have friends who once had rock-solid marriages but whose spouses have died. I have friends who, out of love for the Lord, are choosing to stay in difficult marriages. Everyone lives with burdens. I don’t say this to diminish the unique trials of singleness. I say it because all of us need to be reminded that everyone has it hard. Something some of my closest friends and I have said to each other over the years is, “There are worse things than being single.” We’re not wrong.

Don’t Put Your Life On Hold

Fourth, don’t put your life on hold while waiting for a spouse. Jesus came that we might have life and have it in abundance (John 10:10). He spoke these words without caveat. He didn’t bring abundant life only for married people, for mothers with children, for those who haven’t been divorced, for those who go on a lot of dates. If there’s any caveat to Jesus’s promise it’s that all of abundant life is found solely and wholly in Him. Singleness isn’t a consignment to living a half-life, or a sub-par life. It’s not Plan B. You can live fully now. Don’t put your life on hold while you wait for a husband or a family. Be hopeful, be expectant, and be disappointed when it’s the season to be so, but don’t sideline yourself in God’s kingdom. Work while you wait. Move while you hope.

If it would be helpful for you, I wrote a memoir called Wherever The River Runs that details the shocking and unparalleled gift the Lord has given me in the Amazon jungles of Brazil. The story begins with how a heartbreaking and failed music career in Nashville (among other disappointments) led me to a breathtaking and life-long adventure along the banks of the world’s largest river. The Amazon rainforest is often referred to as the lungs of the world because of the oxygen it provides for all of humanity. Little did I know that God would use the people of the Amazon to resuscitate me spiritually. If I’d been waiting for life to work out the way I wanted it to, I can tell you I wouldn’t have been caught dead on a boat twisting through the jungle while eating tambaqui. God gave me the grace to live fully in the state I found myself, and it was that very state of singleness that has allowed me to keep living those unique blessings with a ministry called Justice & Mercy International. But that is part of my story. Yours will look different (for which you might be thanking the Lord at this moment). Just don’t miss it because you’ve put your life on hold for what you’re demanding from Him.

Don’t Miss The Blessings of Singleness

Fifth, don’t miss the blessings of singleness. We’ve already established that nothing replaces a spouse or a family, but the reverse is also true. God’s blessings are unique and we don’t do well when we try to interchange them. Being able to identify and enjoy the blessings of being single doesn’t mean you’re dismissing the challenges or heartache of it. For anyone who has done my Bible studies or interacted with me on social media, you know that being an aunt is one of the richest blessings the Lord has given me. While being an aunt is not the same as being a mother, being a mother is not the same as being an aunt! Mom’s give their children what they need; Aunts give their nieces and nephews what they want (within some realm of reason). My six nieces and nephews are God-given treasures that bring me more joy, laughter, and fingerprints on my glass panes than anything I dreamed before my first niece, Maryn, was born sixteen years ago. Don’t miss the blessings God brings even in the midst of your longing.

I’ve long thought fascinating the portion of Joseph’s story where God shows Him favor and kindness while he’s in prison (Gen 29:20-21). I’ve always wondered why if God was going to go to all the trouble of being kind to Joseph in prison, He didn’t just show him kindness by yanking him out of prison. If God can bless us in singleness while we long for a romantic partner, why doesn’t he just bless us with a spouse? If he can bless us while we hope for children, why doesn’t he just bless us with a child?

I am not in any way comparing singleness—or any other status for that matter—to being in prison. What I find so remarkable is Joseph’s ability to see God’s blessings in the midst of his suffering, his forgottenness, his loneliness. God was with him (Gen 39:21). And it was Joseph’s spiritually keen eyes to discern these blessings that ended up serving as his escape route out of the dungeon and to being second in command over of all of Egypt. If you’re only willing to receive the blessings from the Lord you’re looking for—marriage, children, love, sexual intimacy—your eyes will be closed to the blessings He’s offering you now. Not the least of which is Himself.

A dear friend of mine just texted me this verse: “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord bestows grace and favor and honor; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Ps 84:11). Is there a better way to close? No good thing will He withhold from you. Walk uprightly before Him. When you fall, He is faithful to pick you up. He is not looking for perfection (1 Jn 1:8-10), He is looking for your life surrendered (Rom 12:1). Give Him your singleness in holiness, and no good thing will He withhold from you.

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